Sometimes the best way to celebrate good writing is with really bad writing: if you haven’t ever heard of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, you’re missing a lot. Edward Bulwer-Lytton was the writer who inflicted “It was a dark and stormy night” on generations of Peanuts fans, and every year San Jose State University hosts a contest to see who can write the worst first sentence of an imaginary novel. It’s amazing how difficult it is to write extremely badly. Here’s one of my attempts (check out the site for many more, and probably funnier, entries):
The nuns waited quietly but expectantly for the arrival of kindly Dr. Kelton from down in the town, the only dentist for miles, since absolution was absolutely absent when Abbess Abby of Abbott Abbey had an abscess.
i write badly, certain it could be considered extremely badly, especially if someone actually read my personal journal. scary thought.