Cartoon of the Day
“Just be glad you have a job!”
-Boy on a Stick and Slither
Most of the time, I’m glad I don’t have a job.
Category: words mean things (Page 43 of 223)
For those who are interested, I uploaded some pictures (with captions!) from my Vegas trip to my TypePad. Enjoy.
Things I Learned About Vegas
I’m back from the big family reunion. My mother sat next to a man on the plane who looked exactly like an Easter egg, complete with a yellow-and-white striped polo shirt. The elevators to our hotel rooms were right by the Keno lounge, where people sit and blankly stare at the Keno numbers flashing up on the screen, their complimentary cocktail lazily in hand. (I had a strange compulsion, as we were leaving this morning, to grab the microphone and start shouting nonsense numbers: “MINUS 23! DOUBLE 11s! 4,000!”)
Some things I learned about Las Vegas, where I had never been before and, god willing, will never return:
1. It’s HOT.
2. Everything is much farther away than you think it is, because there isn’t anything blocking your view, and the casinos are all unimaginably large. So you can walk outside and say, “The Stardust is just up the street! Let’s go!” and three hours later, your dried husk is found on the sidewalk, clutching an empty water bottle.
3. Everyone walking towards you in these giant throngs of humanity is going to play chicken with you, walking straight at you until the very last microsecond, when they’ll veer unpredictably away.
4. Asking for directions is stupid and just wastes time. The directions will be either totally wrong, or so complicated they evaporate from your dehydrated brain the instant you walk away.
5. Did I mention it’s HOT?
6. A $12 roller coaster ride couldn’t possibly be worth the price, unless possibly oral sex was offered at the conclusion. Which it wasn’t.
7. I wasn’t surprised at the scale of Vegas – it’s pretty much what I expected in that regard. What did strike me was the fakeness of everything. And not just that everything was fake, but how they reveled in the fakeness. Even things that could have been real were made fake instead, at great expense.
8. It’s LOUD. That ringing of the slot machines seeps into your soul; you don’t realize how LOUD it is until you finally find someplace that’s even slightly quiet.
9. Lots of the entertainment at my favorite hotel, the Venetian, apparently consisted of costumed people standing motionless like mannequins, to the delight of passing crowds. This now joins “giant Japanese carp” on the list of things that freak me out on principle.
So how was your weekend?
It’s supposed to cool down into the 70s this weekend here in the Madison area. Amazingly, this is the same weekend I’m flying to Las Vegas for the annual Labor Day family reunion. Crazy? Insane? Demented? You tell me.
Actually I’m looking forward to meeting Monique and going on a photo safari around Vegas with her. I can’t imagine a better guide to the city. Still, we agreed on instant message the other night that either of us could possibly be a “nutcase,” so we should watch out. I’ll let you know how things go, assuming she doesn’t stash my remains in her freezer. 🙂
Back Monday night. Stay well, everyone.
The other day I saw a promo for a typical Lifetime movie: the mother is trying to stop the daughter from having sex too young, and meanwhile the mother gets pregnant.
Daughter (in tears): How come what you say doesn’t apply to YOU!
Mother (indignantly): I’m 38 years old!
I watched this and I thought, am I *really* that old? I don’t feel like I am. I feel like I’m, at best, in my early 20s. I’ve felt like I had my whole life ahead of me for years, and now I look around and realize, half of it is gone.
Here’s to a really good second half.
Droopy Joe
Is it just me, or does Joe Lieberman remind anyone else of Droopy Dog?
Today, while browsing in Half Price Books waiting to meet Kevin for dinner, I purchased a cookbook containing nothing but recipes for macaroni and cheese.
Clearly I need help.
Waving my arms
The estimable John Kusch has been writing some great stuff surrounding his testimony last week against Wisconsin’s proposed “Defense of Marriage” bill. Among the important questions he considers: What is a family? Who owns marriage?
John’s technically on hiatus until October, but I for one am glad he’s not too strict with it. As our friend Nicole said in his comments, “I’m proud of you, and I’m proud that I know you. I’m also glad that you use your powers for good instead of evil.”
Boy Meets Boy
Tonight I realized I’ve watched the entire run of the pseudo-gay dating show “Boy Meets Boy” on Bravo and I haven’t written about it once. Not sure why that is – maybe it’s because I thought it was a niche product in the pop culture canon, and people would not have seen it.
The funny thing about this show is, on the one hand I despise everything it stands for. But on the other hand, I can’t look away. (I guess that’s sort of the same for all “reality” programming, but especially this show.)
Making half of the “mates” that pretty but brain-freezingly bland James has to choose from straight is an evil tactic. On the one hand, how much more evil is it than the rest of the reality snakepit? Does James really think he’ll be meeting the love of his life here? (Sometimes I think he does.) But in some ways it does seem worse than the average reality show twist – would they even think of sneaking in some lesbians for Joe Millionaire to choose from?
As it is, the show appeals to the absolute worst in both gay and straight audiences. Watch the gay guy get humiliated! Spend lots of time guessing who’s gay! It’s an endless buffet of pain.
But yet I can’t stop watching. For anyone who has seen the show, I predict that Franklin is the straight one. (See how I’m buying into it? I hate myself. 🙂
I might have to rethink my career plans after reading this story.