Now that my initial “Survivor” horror and shock have worn off, here’s the only final analysis necessary:

I take back what I said before about Dr. Sean. Greg is the stupidest human alive.

Survivor quotes from CBS’ “The Early Show” this morning:

“I think Greg owes Kelly $900,000.”
-Kathy Griffin, on Greg’s infuriating “pick a number” final jury voting system.

“He’s in management.”
-Michael Feldman, on Rich’s position as an archetype.

“It was just like a Griffin family Christmas.”
-Kathy Griffin, on Susan’s cringe-inducing speech against Kelly at the final vote.

“Sean can be smart sometimes.”
-Colleen, on how the cameras can distort the personality of even Dr. Sean “Dumber Than Cotton” Kenniff.

Now this is my idea of a portal: GW Bush Sucks – all purpose anti-Bush portal

Just a little over a day until the end of “Survivor.” I’m excited but also sad that this strange pop culture obsession will be over (at least for now). I’m having some people over to watch the show, and one of my friends suggested I decorate the place with tiki torches and serve rice and fish. Even if I loved rice and fish, this would cross the line to “needs hospitalization immediately,” and I’m not ready for that just yet.

One of those often-overlooked minor pleasures of the pursuit of pop culture is recognizing character actors in different roles. It’s especially fun if the roles are extremely different – like seeing Sam the Butcher from “The Brady Bunch” playing a rapist on “Kojak.” (Not that this ever happened, or at least I don’t think it did – it’s just a hypothetical.) So I was pleased today to see a very serious lawyer on an “L.A. Law” rerun who also plays the Russian video pornographer on Comedy Central’s “Strip Mall.” (great show, very twisted)

As I have said many times before, yes, I will be seeking treatment.

“The presidency is more than a popularity contest – it’s a day-to-day fight for people.” -Al Gore

Maybe nobody’s too thrilled to have a policy wonk in the White House. But which would you rather have in the Oval Office – a policy wonk or a frat brother? I wish Al’s line was true, it should be true, but it really isn’t. And we are all worse for it.

My new favorite weblog, bar none. At last, a purposeful use of RealAudio: Crazy Drunk Guy!

OK, now I’m getting scared.

So in two sittings I read the first Harry Potter book. Yes, just another mindless sheep to the pop culture slaughter – but it was quite good, actually. I was surprised by the many parallels to Roald Dahl’s “James and the Giant Peach,” although Dahl is much, much darker, at least from what I can tell from the first Potter book. (Someone should investigate J.K. Rowling’s subconscious. Just one example: James’ full name is James Henry Trotter.)

Does anybody else agree with me that Gene Wilder in “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” was disturbing on a deep level that you can’t quite put into words? That’s Dahl.