I took the step to finally tell a few friends about this weblog. My favorite response was, “You’re worse than I thought.”

I took this as a compliment.

Why doesn’t my watch know what time it is?

A rumination on time and technology. If you like this one, check out Einstein’s Dreams sometime.

While we can spend hours debating who will win “Survivor,” I think it’s more interesting at this point to consider who you would vote for once the “cast” is down to two. If you were on the castaway jury, and these pairings were left, who would you hand the money to and why?

Susan or Richard?

Colleen or Kelly?

Kelly or Sean?

Sean or Rudy?

Many other interesting pairings are possible. (My answers are Susan, Colleen, Kelly and Rudy, respectively)

Much has been made in the last couple of years about “who can you trust on the Internet.” What is lies and what is the truth? Well, the answer is the same rules apply in the electronic as in the physical world. This isn’t rocket science. Would you trust something Matt Drudge said to your face?

Tired of all this complex truthseeking? Visit Dave’s Web of Lies for a refreshing break.

One of my favorite commentators, political and otherwise, is Molly Ivins. Because of the miracle that we call streaming media, you can now hear Molly talk about our Republican nominee for president, whom she affectionately (?) calls “Shrub.” If you’ve never heard or read Molly Ivins, you’re in for a treat.

My long-dormant abject hatred of Andy Rooney came bubbling to the surface last night as I accidentally caught the end of “60 Minutes.” There he was, his giant eyebrows gesturing wildly as he explained how he opened several cans of mixed nuts and counted how many of each kind of nut were in each can. If you think this was in service of some greater point, or any point, you obviously have never seen Mr. Rooney.

You might have caught his “report” on the contents of his desk drawer, or the one where he interviewed women mowing lawns. I am not kidding about these – they were actual segments on what is perhaps the most respected newsmagazine program on the air.

The man makes millions of dollars and he is laughing at all of us.

“Unauthorized” use of the internet and e-mail on “company time” is not a technology issue, it’s a management issue.

Sometimes the best way to celebrate good writing is with really bad writing: if you haven’t ever heard of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, you’re missing a lot. Edward Bulwer-Lytton was the writer who inflicted “It was a dark and stormy night” on generations of Peanuts fans, and every year San Jose State University hosts a contest to see who can write the worst first sentence of an imaginary novel. It’s amazing how difficult it is to write extremely badly. Here’s one of my attempts (check out the site for many more, and probably funnier, entries):

The nuns waited quietly but expectantly for the arrival of kindly Dr. Kelton from down in the town, the only dentist for miles, since absolution was absolutely absent when Abbess Abby of Abbott Abbey had an abscess.

When you’re flipping through the channels and you come upon an infomercial for the NRA, with Charlton Heston hoisting a musket above his head and intoning, “FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS,” do you:

• a) lunge for the phone, hoping those silver bullets engraved with Heston’s signature are still available,
• b) quickly change the channel, hoping that something, anything, can blot out the horrifying spectacle, or
• c) watch on in fascination, hoping that someone would bonk him on the head with that musket so he would wake up and realize the Revolutionary War ended oh, two centuries ago?

This time, my personal answer was C.

And by the way, I wasn’t joking about the silver bullets.

Our society is doomed. We should just trash the entire thing and start again.

On second thought, Kathie Lee is leaving weekday television this week, so perhaps there’s hope.