My mother, literary critic

“That’s just flat-out crap.”

-Barbara B. Blust, pronouncing sentence on the latest disturbing Anne Geddes book, “Pure.” The cover depicts a thin model type wearing a muslin sheath, with a baby tucked underneath the fabric against her stomach like a fetus.

Things I think about

How much money does Bill Gates carry in his wallet?

Michael Jackson, of course

We were talking about Michael Jackson at lunch today. Big shock, right? Even though I play the extreme cynic on TV, I’m still surprised when things like this come up and lots of people decide they know a) exactly what happened to someone they’ve never met and never will, and b) exactly what should be done to them.

I firmly believe that most of the world’s ills are caused by people who know just what’s best for everyone else. I believe that if people (*cough* MDT *cough*) would just stick to their knitting, the world would be an infinitely better place.

I know it’s fun to speculate about what happened, and energizing for some people to imagine the punishment they would dish out for offenses they “just know” MJ committed. Let’s face it, we love both crime and punishment in this country – millions of “Cops” viewers can’t be wrong.

But here’s a news flash: we don’t know what happened, and we probably never will. The most we can sincerely hope for is that both Michael Jackson and any children he may have harmed (*if* he did) will get the help they need.

I’m not defending Jackson – far from it. Any 45-year-old man who has sleepovers with prepubescent boys has some serious problems. But I think we should be less concerned with speculating about his bedroom activities and more concerned with why we care so much.

Elf

“I like to smile! It’s my favorite!”
-Buddy (Will Ferrell), “Elf”

You’ve got to hand it to Will Ferrell – he’s absolutely 100 percent dedicated to the joke. Whether he’s busting out of a flag-draped thong on Saturday Night Live, or chowing down on syrup-laced spaghetti while wearing yellow tights in “Elf,” he’ll do anything to sell the funny. And he does it with such a psychotic positivity, it’s endearing where most SNL stars-turned-movie-shills are grating.

Ferrell’s the reason that “Elf” pretty much succeeds. Zooey Deschanel, as Ferrell’s puppy-love interest, and Bob Newhart as his adoptive elf father, give fine supporting performances. Plus, there are blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameos by Amy Sedaris and Andy Richter. But Ferrell is this movie’s fuzzy, hug-crazy center, and without him, it would probably collapse under its own wobbly weight.

With him, the movie ends up being sweet and fun. (And any movie that has Ferrell’s adopted elf saying to a department store Santa, “You sit on a throne of lies!” has my vote.) It even had me, a notorious Christmas commercialization curmudgeon, singing “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” at the end with the rest of the cast. And that’s saying something, believe me.

Recommended.

Gay conservative pundit Andrew Sullivan recently wrote about how he’s effectively left the Catholic Church, because he can’t stomach an organization so against his fundamental existence.

Now, the President he’s spent years defending has officially declared that Sully isn’t enough of a citizen to deserve the right to get married.

Gonna leave the Republican Party now, Sully? No, I didn’t think so.

Turn the lights on, and the roaches scatter

More Freeper punditry re: Massachusetts gay marriage decision… is this the country we want? Is this the country we have?

“89% of the American people are on our side. Gay rights has been acceptable to many until now, but it’s getting too close to their own back yard! NOW they’re starting to feel the horrors of demonic incrementalism. It’s comming for them, too. They know, deep in their subconscience minds, their sons are the next targets. The Lord works in strange ways sometimes.”

“Fags keep pushing their agenda through intimidation, specially of the left. I guess this is going to workout for the Republicans. The majority of our population are not fags, and are aware of fags great influence on the Democrats. Hence, it is a plus for us to have the fags keep pressing the left for in-your-face agenda.”

I think Freepers doth protest too much.

Typical rhetoric on FreeRepublic.com, where knickers are in a serious twist

“All those who are living in Mass. have to live in a gay hell forever. They’re not going to be pleased by what they’re about to witness. The demons will be urinating in the streets, and mothers will have to guard their children. It won’t happen within a week, but by next year it will be the sodomote pit of vileness. Things are about to change. The spirt of morality usually not found in Mass. will grow like never before. The Lord works in strange ways. He’s setting them up for their fall.”

I guess I should scrap my plans to urinate in the streets tomorrow. The Freepers will be watching.

Word of the Day

rapprochement

The One Where I Channel “Futurama’s” Bender

Memo to Mrs. du Toit: Bite my shiny metal ass.

Sorry – couldn’t resist. If you’re looking for something more thoughtful, John already has it covered.

Heard this great retort on some lefty site (if I could remember which one, I would link to it) about how to respond if the Republicans try to use gay marriage as a wedge issue next year, especially against Howard Dean:

“Why does Karl Rove hate Dick Cheney’s daughter so much?”

I hope they use it.

As an aside, I sure have been posting a lot today. I guess my brain has been running a little hot lately.