In the annals of cringe-inducing pop culture, few can reach the dizzying heights of Anna Nicole Smith. Last weekend’s episode of “The Anna Nicole Show” on E! (gotta love a network that includes an exclamation point in its name) was one of the most potent “Oh god I can’t look away” moments ever.

The producers cooked up having Anna and her neighbor do a sort of bastardized version of “Trading Spaces.” The neighbor would redo Anna’s office, and Anna would take over a spare room in the neighbor’s house. The neighbor, after spending a lot of time with a Feng Shui consultant lighting incense and ringing bells, simply slapped some paint on the walls and called it a day.

“What I didn’t tell my neighbor,” Anna said in voiceover, “was that my designer was a dominatrix.”

Anna and the gang painted the neighbor’s walls flat black, purchased armloads of sex toys and a sling, and turned the room into a sort of Kmart sex dungeon, complete with giant dildo (unconvincingly blurred out for TV) mounted on the wall, sticking straight into the room at approximately eye level. It was unspeakably horrible, but I couldn’t look away.

Now *that’s* good TV.

Phone Booth

This little psychological experiment has some of the flavor of Joel Schumacher’s somewhat similar, if much superior, urban drama “Falling Down.” It’s a simple story of a stalker/sniper making life miserable for slimy publicist Colin Farrell, engagingly filmed and well-acted enough to entertain during its brisk 80-minute running time. Farrell and Kiefer Sutherland, as the voice of the sniper, manage to keep an 80-minute telephone conversation interesting and involving. While I know this is damning with faint praise, there are a lot worse ways you could spend 90 minutes in the theater right now.

Farrell told a great story while on The Daily Show last week about how Michael “Armageddon” Bay was once attached to direct the film. In his first story meeting, Bay said, “How soon can we get the guy out of the booth?”

Department of Redundancy Department

Much of the world is getting scared of SARS, which stands for Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome. The only problem is that “severe” and “acute” are so much the same word, they are used as synonyms for each other in the dictionary. I know it makes a better acronym to include a vowel, but still.

Yes, I think about this stuff.

Welcome to April in Wisconsin

Thought for the week

Must. watch. more. Fawlty Towers.

The terrorists have already won, Part Deux

Many analysts after 9/11 believed the motive of Osama Bin Laden (remember him?) in the attacks was to draw the United States into a wide-ranging conflict with the Arab world.

I’d say he’s done a pretty good job of it so far.

“I hate everything about this war, except that we’re winning it.”

-Andy Rooney

Well apparently Hell has officially frozen over, because Andy Rooney actually used his platform on 60 Minutes this week to say something interesting and relevant.

Wait, did I just say that?

He basically said to the administration, please don’t treat us like children. Don’t slap a coat of paint on what you’re doing, calling it “Operation Iraqi Freedom.” He also talked about a PR tactic I hadn’t thought a lot about: administration officials and the press constantly referring to “coalition forces.” It’s the Americans and the British, folks. I’m sure we’re all pleased Eritrea and Iceland are giving us the thumbs-up, but calling it a “coalition” is stretching the rubber band almost to the breaking point.

“The President, Rumsfeld and the generals ought to stop treating us like children. Tell us the truth. We can take it even when it’s bad.”

It’s bad, Andy. It’s bad.

I also liked how “60 Minutes” took some reasonable stances questioning treatment of Muslims detained after 9/11, possible post-Saddam Iraq scenarios, and detailing how the conflict is playing out in countries like Jordan, a historical ally in the Middle East who now questions the motives of the US.

On the same program, Bill Clinton followed the lead of other unwilling-to-stand-up-for-their-principles Democrats in agreeing with his nominal debate partner Bob Dole that dissent and questioning the Iraq war has no place while the fighting is going on. He also used his time to make a shot about how he was criticized for Kosovo. Yes, Bill, the war *is* all about you.

Way to go, Bill. You just helped create a “60 Minutes” broadcast that made me like you less and like Andy Rooney more. We live in strange times.

Heard this one before?

“If I don’t keep [living my life/shopping/flying commercial/refinancing my mortgage], the terrorists have already won.”

I propose a new mantra:

“If I don’t keep speaking out, questioning authority, voting, and working for peace, the administration has already won.”

We’ve been asleep. It’s time to wake up.

The Cat so Tough they Buried him Twice

Got an e-mail from a friend I used to work with at The Chronicle in Muskegon, Michigan. I haven’t seen her for years. She said she looked over this site, and said that it “exudes contentment.”

Hmmmm.