More humor

“An hour? In other words, a war that could destroy the global order and cast a region of the Earth into chaos was discussed for as much time as it takes LensCrafters to make your bifocals.”

-Jon Stewart, on the length of the Azores summit (photos)

It seems to me there are two ways to go in dealing with this insanity without becoming insane. One is through eloquence and the other through humor. I’ll try anything at this point. (Links stolen from lies.com, which is becoming one of my favorite sites these days. Best. domain. ever.)

Now this is a corporate billboard I can love

I’ve written in the past about how I’m genetically incapable of being late, and the trouble it causes me. Most of my friends continue to be chronically late, and I’ve only recently understood that this is really my problem. I can’t change their behavior, only my reaction to it.

Last night, I was meeting my dear friend Patti at my old stomping grounds, WEAC, to take her to dinner with some other friends of ours. We were to meet at 5:30, and as usual, I was there about five minutes early. She was in the parking lot, waiting for me.

“I hope you weren’t there very long,” I said.

“No,” she said. “I just knew that you’re usually a little bit early, so I wanted to be here to meet you.”

Is there any doubt why I love Patti?

Here we go

I feel sort of sick to my stomach. You?

This week, I splurged and bought an IBM optical mouse. It has a swoopy shape that fits well in my hand, and the scroll wheel has a bright blue LED behind it, giving it a sort of otherworldly glow, like a spaceship in a 50s sci-fi movie. It’s funny how the smallest things can bring such pleasure.

Just a thought

Why is it wrong for Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks to speak her mind about the president, and OK for Charlton Heston to go to Littleton, CO soon after the Columbine massacre and raise his musket over his head, intoning, “From my COLD DEAD HAND!”? Either celebrities have the same rights to speak out on issues they care about as every other citizen, or they don’t.

It’s easy to defend freedom of speech when you agree with the speech. It’s not so easy when people spout words that, as Grandpa Simpson used to say, “angry up the blood.”

No, Natalie Maines wouldn’t have the same freedom to speak out if she lived in Iraq. That’s sort of the point.

On a roll with spam this week

SUBJECT: adam@lucky8ball.com Have sex tonight, guaranteed

Laughing and crying

In a comment on Mike’s weblog recently, I said it’s getting difficult to chronicle all the stupid, venal, ironic stuff going on these days – there’s just so much of it. Like how we’re now at “Orange Plus” threat level: “It’s a government warning! No, it’s a floor wax! Wait – it’s both!”

Or how Colin Powell “hinted” that if the Turks relented and let us get into Iraq from Turkey, he might be persuaded to give them $6 billion in “special economic assistance.” Memo to Colin: a bribe is a bribe is a bribe. No need to sugarcoat it now.

Or how Joe Lieberman, who in a land long ago and far away ran for vice president, has become one of Bush’s biggest cheerleaders on Iraq, saying, “if we do not disarm Saddam now, he will inevitably use his weapons against us or give them to terrorists who will.” Hey Joe, want this Bush yard sign?

Or how Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to be an American” sparked a rodeo brawl.

Or how Bush himself last night asked the Iraqi people, through a translation of his “let’s roll” speech, to just sit tight and wait for their liberators – and while you’re at it, people, please don’t set fire to any oil wells, or commit any other war crimes for which you will surely be prosecuted.

It’s funny because it’s true.

If only Colin Powell did the same. But his conversion is apparently complete. “Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.”