Do you tend to be late or on time? I am pathologically on time – even when I don’t try, I’m there five minutes before I’m supposed to be. My friends, on the other hand, are almost always late. This infuriates me. They always have an excuse – traffic, phone call, whatever. It’s always something. But if it’s so easy to be late, how can I always be on time? How can we live in such different universes?
The fact is that habitual lateness is a sign of narcissism. “If I’m late and everyone’s waiting for me, that makes me the most important person in the room.” Even if that’s not consciously what they are doing, it’s a big unconscious motivation. And the simple fact is, being late is rude. Even if it doesn’t matter to you that you’re late, probably the person waiting for you isn’t so thrilled about it. Just a thought.
It’s also a fact that obsessive punctuality is symptomatic of poorly developed ego. Since the odds are stacked against everyone arriving at the same moment, the aggressively prompt person is (perhaps subconsciously) searching for an opportunity to demonstrate his superiority to those with better things to do than compulsively clock-watch.
But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
You, too? I’m always early. (Better to be too early than too late, my motto.) If I’m late for something, it means something happened and I’m not going to show up at all.
I’m not looking for a way to demonstrate my superiority, mkh. I just want people to be basically on time. It’s just courtesy. Fact is, I worry a lot less about it than I used to. So maybe I’m evolving. 🙂
I’m pretty punctual, but I feel myself getting flaky about it the past few years. It used to be that I’d arrive early or, worst case scenario, a few minutes late. Now I get distracted writing comments on WMT and end up late.
I think it’s a matter of stakes. When you’re trying to keep a table at a restaurant that’s going to get crowded, yet every other member of your party decides to traipse in around the busiest time, it’s a big deal. If you need to get to a movie or show that’s starting in five minutes, it’s a big deal. Any situation that causes stress, basically.
If you just have to window-shop for five more minutes so your friend can get his prescription filled, I don’t see a problem.
(Just so we’re clear, Adam, I was bustin’ yer chops for the narcissism comment.) Yeah, I tend to be late, and I worry about it more than I used to. Maybe I’m evolving, too.
You left out the fact that people who are chronically late marry people who are chronically early. My mother is always late, my father is always early. I’m always early, so at least my father had company while he was waiting around for my mother. Now I am married to someone who’s chronically late. I don’t think he’s narcissistic, and he doesn’t want the attention — it just seems to be very poor planning. He was always on time when we were dating, though.
oh gosh; generally on time, but, depending on who i’m meeting, i’ll be late, but not as late as my pal. 2 of my best buddies are ALWAYS late, so then it’s a complicated calculation of where are they coming from (work, home, etc) where are we meeting, and why. And then, its a question of how much time laspses(sp?) between making the appt and the actual appt. Brunch on a sunday can be “meet me in 10 minutes at Kates” and he won’t be there for 30 minutes. I’ll get there in 20, hedging my bets, knowing he won’t get there before 15…..
on the other hand, strangers, work-related, and dates – i’m ALWAYS a early, sometimes embarassingly so, that I will lie and say I havent been waiting long, even if i have.
I’m with you all the way Adam.
Showing up late when people are waiting for you is just another way of saying, “your time doesn’t mean anything to me.” You’re right. It’s rude — period.
I wouldn’t say that being punctual is a sign of a “poorly developed ego,” as the last person posting did, though the conclusion is a funny twist on your own pop psychology analysis.
My wife and I embody the conflict between punctuality and tardiness. As you might have guessed, I’m the punctual one. I always try to be five minutes early for a meeting because that way I figure if I encounter some delay, like traffic or a missed train, then I’ll still get to the meeting on time. My wife, on the other hand, is pathologically late. I really believe that she (subconsciously) makes an effort to be late. During the whole time that we were dating, the closest that she ever came to being on time was 20 minutes late for a lunch date. It wasn’t unusual for her to be an hour late or more. She’d be 30 minutes late for a date when I knew for a fact that she was only 15 minutes away at home, which means that she wouldn’t even leave the house until she was already 15 minutes late for our meeting. It would really drive me nuts.
Of course, at the time I didn’t really say much to her about it because, well, she was hot, what can I say. But now that we’ve been married for a couple of years, that do-anything-for-a-hot-chick thing doesn’t cut it anymore. So, we’ve been working to meet in the middle. She’s becoming much more punctual, and I have allowed myself to show up late for many of our meetings, though I still hate doing it.
So, Adam, don’t let anyone tell you that being on time is uptight. The tardy shall not inherit the earth, and even if they did, they’d be late in picking it up.
I used to be late quite a bit until my mom left for a trail ride without me. When she got back, she was so upset with me but she didn’t say a word to me about it… I could just tell from her body language how angry she was with me. It made a lasting impression on me, and from that point going forward I always try to be early or on time. I know that it also annoys the living mess outta me when someone is late, I can’t stand it.
I’m an “on time” person. I hate to be late. Apart from the rudeness of it – and I quite agree with you about that – I get quite anxious about being left behind, stemming from a childhood trauma, so I make every effort not to be late ever. I also hate to arrive early if I’m visiting someone’s home or picking someone up from their home. It’s a nightmare if you’re getting ready/cooking/organising kids and babysitters and your guests arrive early, it’s almost as rude as being late.
I’m one of the late crew. When I think about it, you’re basically right, only I wouldn’t use the word narcissistic. I’d say we just don’t give a damn about others. But it is something I’m working on, so don’t hate me 🙂