An acquaintance’s grandmother died this week, and she was asked to give a eulogy to her grandmother as part of the service. Her father’s report after the funeral was that she did a wonderful job, in contrast to her uncle, who “kept breaking down” and “couldn’t get through it.”
What is this genetically engineered Lutheran stoicism we have in this culture? Why should someone be criticized for crying at a funeral of a close family member? Another phrase you hear often about family members is “she just couldn’t keep it together,” accompanied by much nodding of heads and clucking of tongues. My feeling is, why should she “keep it together”?
Outward displays of emotion of any kind are frowned upon in our society, but especially grief. It makes us uncomfortable to have to witness intense emotions in others, especially when we can’t deal with our own. Maybe if we lived in a culture where we spent several days wailing and tearing our clothes after someone close to us dies, we could start working things out. Just an idea.
You’ve hit the nail on the head.
I, too, vote for visible death and grief, wailing and wakes and wallowing in it and getting on with life.