With all the talk about e-mail spam, real-world spam is still very much with us. And I’m not just talking about the credit card applications (“Zero Percent Interest for the FIRST 15 DAYS!”) and such, but the strange stuff, where you think, “How and why did I get this?”
In today’s mail, I got an extensive catalog from Northern Tool & Equipment Co., including such necessities as traffic cones, backhoes, dog beds, and golf carts. What were they thinking?
What interesting/odd spam snail mail have you received?
I don’t remember what they were selling, but they were congratulating me on my new baby.
They should have been selling defibrillators.
Greatest envy visiting Amsterdam left me with: everyone has a sticker on their door indicating whether or not they will accept unsolicited commercial mail.
Did you visit the site? Did you notice that you can set up a wishlist a la Amazon? I think I’m linking that to my blog just to see if anyone will buy me road cones…
Strangest spam? After I purchased my last house I got accidental death & dismemberment insurance offers from three different companies. Is home improvement really _that_ dangerous?
I do believe, I hold the record for the most unusual, but entertaining piece of spam ever received. I could be wrong. But it’s close at least. Oh, and the part I like best? -If you ask nicely, and use the word “please,” the evil aliens will simply leave you alone:
—————————————-
message: If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!
My life has been severely tampered with and cursed!!
I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!
I need to be able to:
Travel back in time.
Rewind my life including my age back to 4.
Be able to remember what I know now so that I can prevent my life from being tampered with again after I go back.
I am in very great danger and need this immediately!
I am aware that there are many types of time travel, and that humans do not do well through certain types.
I need as close to temporal reversion as possible, as safely as possible. To be able to rewind the hands of time in such a way that the universe of now will cease to exist.
I know that there are some very powerful people out there with alien or government equipment capable of doing just that.
If you can help me I will pay for your teleport or trip down here, Along with hotel stay, food and all expenses. I will pay top dollar for the equipment. Proof must be provided.
Please be advised that any temporal device
that you may employ must account for X, Y, and Z coordinates as well
as the temporal location.
I have a time machine now, but it has limited abilitys and is useless without
a vortex. If you can provide information on how to create vortex generator or
where I can get some of the blue glowing moon crystals this would also
be helpful.
Also if you are one of the very, very, few beings with the ability to edit the universe PLEASE REPLY!!!
Only if you have this technology and can help me please send me a (SEPARATE) email to:
Robby0809@aol.com
Please do not reply if your an evil alien!
Thanks
——————————-
You have no idea how bad I wanted to reply and have a little fun with this, but didn’t quite feel like opening that can o’ worms.
In 1997 I received a postcard from a local hospital regarding the grand opening of their new emergency room. It was an invitation to attend. Reading about the various proceedings raised no interest until the last bit: “Refreshments provided.” I enlisted a friend to accompany me. We saw their hazmat hosedown room, I got an EKG, some hospital booties, and various other hospital bennies. The payoff of course was the last room, stocked with juice, soda, and cookies. We gorged ourselves and wandered back outside into reality.
About a year ago, I got a letter from GM informing me that their insurance now covers contraceptives.
I dunno. I don’t work for GM but they had my name and address right, I think it may even have had my SS# too.
I should go in there and see if I’m employed.
For the last year and a half or so, I’ve been getting occasional invitations – correctly addressed to me – to join the AARP. I’m 37. Maybe it’s time to switch moisturizers.
Wayne, I’ve gotten that “evil alien” thing myself. I also resisted the impulse to answer and offer access to my superduper Questonator.
I suppose weird mailspam is in the eye of the beholder. The catalog I got recently that included, among the die cast car models and costume wigs a baseball cap complete with its own comb-over sticks in my memory, but I enjoyed that (i’ve several male friends who might get one for Yule). Regular invitations to joing AARP are nothing — we get copies of their magazine addressed to my father-in-law — who’s been dead since 1989 or so. We’ve told them this. They don’t care. I also get mail concerning some sort of Viagra implant — which I don’t read, as the plain brown envelopes with the large red lettering “IMPORTANT” always tips me off.
Do people still get the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes mailing? I haven’t seen THAT one in quite a while.
For a while, I was receiving catalogues for commercial food packaging supplies. At my dorm. Where apparently, I’m packaging massive quantities of food, which necessitate a gigantic shrink-wrapper.
I’ve gotten the Valnator message a few times, but the strangest was from a Chinese Rock Quarry, offering to sell me gigantic slabs of Chinese marble and granite. I mean, what? Why on earth would you spam someone with an offer of tons and tons of rock?