Subversive
I was in Borders today and I committed an insanely subversive act: I bought an almanac.
When I saw the stack of “Old Farmer’s Almanac 2004” on the “new paperbacks” table, I laughed out loud. Then, looking around for hidden surveillance cameras, I thumbed through one out of curiousity. After a bit I decided to buy one, because 1) there was some interesting stuff in there, 2) it was only $6, and 3) I wanted to be able to say to the clerk, “You don’t have to report me because I’m buying an almanac, do you?”
Come get me, John Ashcroft.
You could get a World Almanac and walk around with one in each hand, looking dangerous.
Get a backpack and a camera. Have some a box for a flight sim program visible through your partially unzipped backpack, hang the camera around your neck, and those almanacs in each hand. Then mill around a govt. facility, looking devious.
Extra points if you can somehow manage to turn swarthy.
Leave an almanac, a camera, lots of wires, modeling clay, and a digital egg timer all sitting in a pile on the back seat of your car. If you ever get pulled over for a traffic stop, sweat profusely and twitch intermittently.
Hooo boy, take this advice and you’ll be a Patriot Act/Homeland Security test case by Memorial Day.
Associating with swarthy Puerto Ricans can’t hurt!
And when you’re vacationing in Cuba, don’t forget to write.
Wanna be really subversive? Take all the copies of almanacs in the bookstore. Find a conservative rant book. Turn it backwards and place the almanac in front of it.
…Then mill about a government facility with your almanac wearing a Bush/Cheney 04 t-shirt.