Talking with my friend Paul the other day, the subject of lotteries came up about three times in relation to unrelated subjects. This gave us the impression that it was a sign, and we should go out immediately and buy a lottery ticket.
Then we forgot. Damn.
But it got me thinking, as I have several other times in the past – what would I do if I won the lottery? That depends on the size of the winnings, of course. But what would you do if you had, say, $2 million free and clear (aka after taxes)? Let me know in the comments.
I’d give at least $1.7 million to charity, possibly more.
And some of that would go to the Mozilla organization so they could design a web browser that keeps cookies.
I’d probably be a professional student for a while, help some friends pay off student loans, get a Ph.D. or two, then become an eccentric professor and give away part of what was left.
I’d keep it all for me. Mine, mine, mine. Money, money, money. Moo hoo ha ha ha!
I have actually thought about this more than is warranted. I would pay off my house, take a trip to Ireland sans family, go back to school and become a librarian/web-guru, start a progressive non-profit organization, get a manicure and bikini wax (never too late for excruciating pain), rent a guest house in the Garden District of New Orleans and have a summer retreat, help women go back to school as adults, drink really good tea, eat more sushi than is good for me, buy fair trade and organic food, build a 4-season sun porch on my house, get a hybrid car (I feel like Ed Begley Jr.)…ooh, and become a semi-celebrity and get hounded for being a leftist pinkowierdo, ala Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon.
First, invest half of it safely. (5% will get you ~$630K in 10 years) Let it earn money for you while you spend the rest. I would spend the rest on stuff I’ve always wanted. Specifically, a Porsche 911. Turbo. Black. Cabriolet. Awesome.
Take one quarter of it and spend it on stuff I want. Like, pay off bills, buy a modest home, Saab, travel, give to family, friends, church, other worthwhile cause; then safely invest the rest.
There is a parcel of land just down the road from me that is wetlands. It has a large pond that has two pair of swans year round. It’s for sale. I would love to buy that and designate it a preserve so houses aren’t built around it.
Keep dreaming, chumps, and paying for more than your share of state services, so that the wealthy can keep using their income buying out the government. That carrot is so far away that this mule just doesn’t care about it.
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I go now.
Paul says that I have to give him a million dollars if I ever win the lottery. In all fairness, he says that he would do the same for me. I’m posting this so y’all can hold him to it when he wins big.
Lisa: What if you only win a million? WHAT THEN?!?
Matt: I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m answering a question, not buying a ticket. Maybe a little out with the chilling should be in effect?
I would pay for all my college exspenses, give some money to my parents for bills, and then set the rest off in a nice savings account until I graduated college or got married, whichever came first (hopefully the former). Somewhere between 2-5 thou would be given to this lady who gave me $100 for my education (despite the fact she has no money) because she felt God wanted her to do so.
The money would then be used to jump-start my life a bit. Set some aside for a house, some aside for travel, some aside for musicals/operas/plays, some aside for my library, etc.
Any leftover would be placed into a savings account either for my future children or for a scholarship should I remain barren.
Adam: I don’t buy lottery tickets for anything less than at least 35 million. You’re also supposing that I INTEND to keep my end of the bargain. Heh heh heh.
Oh, actually I probably would. I just don’t want him to get lazy. Know what I mean?